Book Review: Olivia by Julie Wright

I received a free copy of Olivia by Julie Wright to review. But in nowise does that affect my opinion of the book or my review of it.

First, this is definitely a book written for women. More than likely, I would not have picked it up…well…except to buy it for my wife. It also helped that it is written by Julie, who is awesome if you did not know. But honestly, I liked the book. I didn’t have to force myself to read it. I didn’t have to use toothpicks to keep my eyes open.

Second, I actually really liked the theme I found in Olivia, which (to me) was revolved around independence. Olivia is a woman who has seemingly done what everyone (especially her husband) wanted her to do. She didn’t ever do anything for herself. She didn’t stand up for herself.

The character had lost her mother years earlier and still grieved at the loss of a mother’s compassion. In my opinion, her problem was she hadn’t found a way to replace that loss with anything in her life other than mundane tasks that were fulfilling the needs of others’ but not fulfilling her own needs. I don’t really see anything wrong with doing what you can to help others. But I do see something the matter in not taking care of yourself.

Something that struck me as interesting was the relationship with her husband. At the onset of the book, it is already strained. But as much as I said “I don’t blame her”, in a way, I didn’t blame him either. It was nice to read something where the strain in the relationship wasn’t just the man’s fault (because you know, all men are pigs). And it was nice to see her realize how some things really were her fault.

Something I really enjoyed about Olivia is that it’s the first in the Newport Ladies Book Club and the invested reader will get the opportunity to see the lives of four different women. And I look forward to reading about Daisy, Paige, and Athena throughout the year.

And as always,

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

LTUE Review

Last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I spent about 24 hours at LTUE, which stands for Life, The Universe, and Everything. Wow….thankfully, I didn’t spend all 24 of those hours in a panel or presentation. Man, that would’ve killed me!

Of course, I did go to a few good panels, such as “Plot, Subplot, and Foreshadow” and “Feeling Fake”. I also got to hobnob with some of my awesome author friends. (You know you all like the word hobnob; it makes it sound like I was amongst the rich and famous.)

So…highlights to share?

I have a friend who smells everything (rather this than a friend who smells, trust me.)

Speaking of smells: No matter where you go, there will be people who haven’t showered that day/week/month/year. Sadly, they’re in higher concentrations at LTUE.

I noticed one author’s dislike for another is just as strong as ever.

I actually passed a handwritten note from one woman to another (made me feel like I was in high school for a moment.)

Parking in Belgium is much better than parking in Egypt, but not by much.

I met Bree Despain and promptly got her lost on our way to the conference. Thankfully, ran into a group of about 10 others that also got lost with us.

Brandon Sanderson is loud, but just as awesome and insightful as ever.

Robison Wells is alive and…well…he’s alive.

Also, I have the official job of fetching Rob’s drink for him. Yes, yes, mock the fanboy.

L.E. Modesitt knows so much about economics, he could talk about it for days on end.

Dan Wells mocks his younger brother.

Sarah Eden shouldn’t pay for LTUE since they keep asking her to be on a panel.

I impressed the “Newport Ladies Book Club” authors by carrying Julie Wright’s Olivia around with me…even read some while I ditched panels I wasn’t interested in.

Julie Wright, the only of the 4 authors for NLBC to have a sci-fi/fantasy related book and not be present at this sci-fi/fantasy related conference.

Also, Heather Moore, Annette Lyon, and Josi Kilpack each gave me insights into NLBC. I now know…well…not a whole lot, to be honest.

You want the weight of the dagger to be in the grip and for there to be curves around the sides. (I also learned I should’ve taken better notes in the first presentation I attended.)

Eating a small piece of chocolate when I’m already hungry will overdrive me into starving. (Personal pan pizza did not rescue me.)

I learned that no one seems to know how to introduce Jeff Savage–er–J. Scott Savage–er–Mr. Savage.

Sometimes it’s better to sit out of a panel and write/critique/read/socialize, than it is to actually attend one. (Okay, let’s admit, I already knew that from past experience.)

And I learned that the best panel I attended was the last one I attended. But sadly my laptop ran out of battery and I could only take notes for half of it.

Well, that’s been my review of LTUE. Until next time…

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

Current Standings

So, I don’t know why, but I really like starting a blog post off with the word “so.” There’s something cliche and common about it that I really like. Nothing relevant to the rest of this post. I just thought I’d share that.

Writing update: I’m not worrying about word count in my new book, “Stilz”. I’m more worrying about getting the story written. Right now, I’m on chapter 3, feeling like I need an outline. I really do prefer “discovery writing” so I’ll probably outline it after I’ve written it or if I really do write myself into a corner. But for now, I’m gonna take my time on chapter 3 (mostly because that’s what I’m accidentally doing.)

This week marks the beginning of 2012′s writing conference season (to me anyway). I view LTUE as a great way to get my butt into gear when it comes to writing. I love going and hearing about different authors and their books and feel my jealousy determination to write rising.

As long as all goes as planned, I’ll get to go to LTUE for the 3rd year in a row. In 2010 I heard Dan Wells give a presentation on the 7 plot points. An informative thought process that has helped me in writing. (Maybe I should do that for this book and realize what I’m missing.) I also got to hear a live recording of Writing Excuses, which was beyond awesome.

Last year for LTUE, I was debating taking a sick day so I could go to all 3 days of. That was a huge hope for me. So imagine my joy when I woke up the first day of LTUE with a pretty high fever and saying things that made no sense. My wife and I argued about me going to LTUE, work, or staying home. I lost all arguments and stayed home. The next day, when I was supposed to be at LTUE, I instead read tweets about LTUE and watched movies on my couch attempting naps.

But I did get to attend the 3rd day of LTUE where I had difficulty sitting in classes because of this cold. I stood in the hall and talked with my awesome friend Taffy during the times I couldn’t sit through class. I did get to sit through 2 hours of Wrighting Excuses recordings. And got a tweet from Taffy that said something about me looking like I was still pretty unwell. Oh well. I made it to LTUE, that was the goal.

So, this year, as long as I can get all my work done that I need to do by Wednesday night before I go home, I can go to all 3 days of LTUE.

But, also, let me advertise something else, if you’re a Utah-resident author. Precision Editing Group is putting on a workshop the first Saturday in March. If you’re up for some critiquing from some awesome women, then I suggest going. I’ll attempt to be brave and bring my writing to get told that I’ve misused commas, used the wrong “their”, and wrote the most confusing sentence ever. (Okay, hopefully I didn’t use the wrong “they’re”. That’d be a heinous grammar crime if there ever was one.)

Until next time…

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

Awesomesauce!

I know, you’re saying “Wow, T.J.’s posted a blog.” Amazing, right?

Actually, I have a goal to post once a week this year. So far, I’ve failed. But I’m starting now.

So, I’ve been using the term “awesomesauce” quite a bit over the past couple of years. The main reason for that is the awesome author Elana Johnson! She is made of awesomesauce, if you didn’t know.

Speaking of…well…anyway….here’s something random that Elana is letting me show you and then talk about. Prepare to see something awesome! Ready…okay…here it is:

 

 

 

 

Now, you’re probably thinking “What’s up with the new cover?” Really, I don’t know. Something about publishers and all that blah, blah, blah that I ignore until someone says “We’d like to offer to buy your book, print it, and sell it, and let you tell the whole friggin’ world about it in shameless self-promotions.”

Well, I was asked to give my opinion about the new cover. To be honest, I much preferred the sparkly white one that’s sitting in my bookcase at home yelling at me to be read. (At least my wife read it.) I think I would like this cover better if the color transition of the top half of the book was the only transition. But then the color gets darker and I just don’t like that pseudo-purple. Still, I love the trapped butterfly. Such symbolism in that picture.

But…guess what. I’m not done sharing pictures. Nope. Here’s another one to share from the awesome person known as Elana Johnson.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, now we have this pretty green that turns into a sea-color. Kinda still like the concept if they’d just use the lighter colors. Just think the big transition is taking away from the hummingbird in a jar.

Now, here’s my OCD. Ready. I will probably buy book 2. But I’m not happy about it because it doesn’t match my book 1. I like my items to match (but rarely to have my family match outfits. That makes me want to die. I have limits to my OCD.)

Seriously, we own all 8 seasons of Charmed. For the 5th season on, CBS has their logo on the spine of the dvd box. Grr! So half the show has CBS, half doesn’t. Then we go to the dvds for the Harry Potter movies. 1 through 7.1 are all pretty identical. But they removed the picture from 7.2. It’s not there. There’s nothing. It looks so out of place now. And then there’s The Big Bang Theory. They couldn’t even be consistent from season 1 to season 2. Really? Come on people!

So, now I have the dilemma of rebuying book 1 of a book I still haven’t read, or let my OCD go turn me crazy. (Yeah, you’re probably thinking “Like it hasn’t already?”)

Well, I will one day read all of Poessession. I’ve read the first couple of chapters. ADHD took over and started a different book. That’s usually my problem. So until….squirrel!….sorry….until next time:

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

 

Welcome Back

I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. But this is something I miss a lot. The free flowing-ness of my random thoughts.

So….what have I been up to?

Really, work. And a lot of it. Work has been so busy and life has added its busy-ness that I have not had the time to blog or even write much.

I’m supposed to be doing NaNoWriMo….it’s more like NaNoFailMore. But, because of a friend of mine, I joined a critique group, with which I met last Friday. But instead of printing off the over-revised chapter 1 (which I probably would’ve done a ceremonial burning of the pages had I brought it instead of getting it critiqued), I brought chapter 6. Why? One simple thought: I know that the storyline from chapter 6 through the end of the book isn’t getting overhauled. Yeah, it was hard on my critique group and it took some explanation. Also, I was stupid and didn’t read through that chapter since I originally wrote it last year. So really, we’re talking a MAJOR rough draft. It was pretty embarrassing to be honest. But on the same token, it lit a fire under me. Time to revise. I’ve dreaded revising chapters 1-5 because of the major changes to those plot points. But now that I’m ignoring those, I’ve enjoyed moving forward.

Like Willie Wonka says “You can’t go backward. You’ve gotta go forward to go backward.” I’m gonna apply that to my book.

Also, I finished reading 2 books in the past month. That amazing? For me it really is. Oddly enough, they were by brothers.

First, I finished Variant by Robison Wells. It was nice to have a good fast read. And the book itself was really good. Also, if you haven’t bought it, I recommend it. It is a worthy read. If there were more books like this when I was a teenager, I would’ve read a lot more. And the twists and turns in this book were awesome. I really liked the plotting here.

Second, I finished I Don’t Want to Kill You by Dan Wells. And oh my gosh! I wanted to cry when I was done. I also finished it on a flight from Vegas to SLC. I think I should’ve been reading the Hunger Games, though, since the lady next to me was reading Catching Fire and the lady next to her was reading Mockingjay. Of course, I’ve already read it. Anyway….Dan Wells’ 3rd book is honestly my favorite of the trilogy. I really didn’t expect to like it so much. I loved I Am Not a Serial Killer and enjoyed Mr. Monster. But there was something about I Don’t Want to Kill You that was more awesome than either of the previous one. Like when…wait that spoils it….oh but when John…no wait……and then when….Dangit! It was really good.

Also, if you haven’t heard by now, in September, my wife and I found out we are expecting child #3. Seriously, this is scary. I already have one of each, so I don’t really mind if we have another boy or another girl. Half of me wants a girl. (If you can’t guess what the other half of me wants, then here’s your sign.)

If you’re doing NaNo, go you! I’m failing miserably at it. But I’m loving revising again. Like really loving it! I’m so excited to revise and bring a much better chapter 7 to critique group than that crappy chapter 6. Go me!

By the way,

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

A Late Interview

So, once upon a time, I had the ability to keep my blog updated with useful useless information. Somewhere along the line, I got really busy and don’t even know what day it is. Last year about this time, I saw that I only had four binders to last one a month for the rest of the year at work. I thought I should have about 7 or 8  until I realized it was September, not May. This year feels the same way.

A few weeks ago, the awesome Jeff Hirsch granted me an interview where he answered 15 questions in 3 categories that are probably miscategorized. But as my followers really know, I like being random, it’s more fun that way.

So, here’s my interview with Jeff Hirsch, author of the awesome, spectacular, high-on-my-to-read-list, ‘The Eleventh Plague‘.

A)    Who are you?

 

1. What is your favorite animal? 

I have simple tastes. I like scrappy short haired mutts and taciturn but secretly affectionate cats. If you’re talking wild animals, I do love a good giraffe. They look like they shouldn’t exist, but there they are.

2. If you were a superhero, what power would you want?

I want, more than anything, the superhuman ability to erase and restore portions of my memory at will. Why? With that power I could finish the first draft of a book then completely wipe it from my memory before reading it and starting the second draft. I don’t thinking there could possibly be a better rewriting tool than the ability to read your book the way a regular reader would.

3. What did you get a degree in, if any? What do you do for work? Does that relate to your book in any way?

BFA in Acting and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from UC San Diego. During the day I work at a non-profit in the ad industry. We do award shows,  educational programs and the like. I suppose spending my days in corporate America has taught me something about surviving an apocalyptic wasteland.

4. Are you left-handed or right-handed?

Righty.

5. It’s the zombie apocalypse: what office supply do you bring? Because it’s the only way to take them down. I have binder clips. Another friend has paperclips. Someone else is bringing staples. Duplicate supplies are welcome and will be necessary (yes, this is a joke question.)

You know those paper cutters that are little tables with a swing arm on the side that has a big sharp blade on it? That’s what I’m heading for. Remove that arm and you’ve got a perfect zombie cleaving machete.

B) Reading/Inspiration

 

1. Who are some of your favorite authors? books? movies? tv shows? Did any inspire you for 11th Plague?

Let’s see. Authors? Susan Cooper, Jeffrey Eugenides, Michael Chabon, Tim O’Brien to name just a small few. Books? The Dark is Rising. How I Live Now. The White Darkness. Feed. Lonesome Dove. The Stand. Tv Shows? Buffy. Homicide. Battlestar Galactica. Mad Men. Parks and Rec. Louie. Movies? Since theres way too many to even try to mention, my fallback position for favorite movie has always been and always will be The Outsiders.

As to inspiration for The Eleventh Plague, I thinkGary Paulsen’s Hatchet helped inspire the tone and focus of the book.

2. Music and food are important to gaining inspiration. What music do you listen to for inspiration? What food is your comfort food? Inspiring food?

Both those things are incredibly important to me, but I can’t say I use either as inspiration. However, when I’m really stuck on something I’m writing I have been known to retreat to the kitchen where I listen to The Clash and bake a pie. There’s something about doing that that really hits my mental reset button. Plus, afterwards there’s pie.

3. What are you currently reading? Perhaps recently reading? What are you looking forward to reading next?

Just finished Lev Grossman’s The Magician King, the sequel to The Magicians. Loved both but actually preferred the sequel. Looking forward to Sarah Darer Littman’s Want to Go Private and Jeffrey Eugenides’ new book.

4. You’re stranded on an island with 5 books of your choosing. What are those 5 books? (I’ll give you a sixth if you name The Eleventh Plague.)

Lonesome Dove

The Stand

The Lord of the Rings

Moby Dick (this way i might finally get around to reading it)

SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, in Any Climate on Land or at Sea

SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the WIld, in Any Climate, on Land or at Sea

 

5. You said in another interview you had a thought about a dad and son burying and grandpa and that The Eleventh Plague came from there. Where did you go next? Meaning, what did you do to get to the next part of the book?

 

I know this sounds overly simplistic but really I just tried to go through it step by step. It went something like this.  “Ok. They’re on a hill. The next thing they need to do is get down off the hill and get back on the trial. Except now Dad is thinking he doesn’t want to be on the trail anymore, but he doesn’t know how to tell his son that.” Once I had that I had an activity they needed to do (get down off the hill and get back on the trail) and the beginnings of an interpersonal conflict and an internal conflict.

 

C) Writing/Inspiring Thoughts:

 

1. What was your least favorite part of writing/publishing The Eleventh Plague? How did you get through that time?

 

Honestly the whole thing was amazingly smooth. My editors and the whole team at Scholastic are great. If anything was tough it was waiting for the book to get out there and to start hearing what people think of it.

 

2. What is one piece of advice that you wish you’d had before starting this whole ordeal of writing and publishing?

 

That it takes time to get to where you need to be to get published and that the timeline is different for everyone. Some people write their first book and hit a homerun, some people take years. Some of those nights of self doubt would have been alot easier if I knew I was more of the latter.

 

3. You’ve just won some prestigious award for The Eleventh Plague. What do you say in your acceptance speech?

 

Oh, I think it would just be a ridiculous amount of thanking people. My wife first and foremost but it’s really amazing how many people it took to make this whole thing happen.

 

4. Any new projects on the horizon? What about book signings or public speaking?

 

Yep, I’m working on the second draft of a novel call Magisterium that will be coming out Fall 2012 from Scholastic. It’s the story of a 15 year old girl named Glenn and her adventure in a world where the laws of the universe aren’t entirely consistent.

 

5. T.J.’s Triangle Self-Evaluation: There is only one wrong answer and multiple correct ones. Imagine, if you will, a triangle with the top point having the word “RANDOM” on it. The bottom left has the word “COOL” on it and the bottom right is “WEIRD”. Where do you put yourself in the triangle?

 

Hmm. I’d say somewhere between random and weird. Maybe closer to random since I never know what I’m going to be like on a day to day basis.

 

Back to me now: Well, guess all that’s left to be said is:

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

What Is This?

So, I haven’t blogged at all this month. (The one post I’ve made from August 2011 was one written up by author friend Tristi Pinkston to promote her wonderful new book.)

Life has been busy. First, the month of July was met with my wife’s family reunion and joining my dad, his wife, and my step-sister and her family at Disneyland. (Spoiler alert: Disneyland is still awesome.) Plus, I had a lot of other things going on in July that involved video games. August has also had video games taking up time. But both July and August have been busy with work and…well…work. I haven’t even had time to work on my book.

Not like that would matter much though since I technically lost it. What does that mean? Well, it means that I own a flash drive and it is nowhere to be found. On that flash drive are so many files that I’ve put a lot of hours working on. It has all the versions of my Eli story on it. The one saving grace is I still have a full printout of the entire book (which will require a massive amount of transcribing). Also, I have the first 30 pages I sent to writing buddy Graham Bradley with his snide comments.

The strange thing was, I didn’t seem to care nearly as much as I thought I would. Yeah, it really does suck. But I’ve been very unmotivated in writing. Last year at this time I was stressed with trying to get Eli ready for submissions. And really, it took a full rewrite between then and now to make it 10x better than it was. And somehow, I’ve lost all writing motivation.

One problem I’ve had is I’ve been distracted by a lot. See, a few months ago, Netflix added The True Story of Wrestlemania and a few other WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment, former World Wrestling Federation) “shows” to watch in their instant stuff. I bet a lot of you have said “wrestling is stupid.” And you know what, I’ve said it too. Guess what, I still say it. But I’m addicted to it again.

Another addiction is my friend Andrew introducing me to this game called Terraria. It’s awesome. At least, it is to me.

But with all that said, I feel an end of my writing break coming. I’ve been met with looking at different stories I’ve wanted to write. Part of me wants to give up on Eli. But part of me says that he just needs a refresher and it’ll be even better. Either way, I’ll get there. Lately, I’ve felt very disorganized with everything and I need to do some personal organization of my life. Once I get things in order, I will be back on my blog more, bringing you hilarious mashups shared between Casey and I, random 10 things that hopefully have something to do with one another, and of course, the most random topics I can come up with.

Before I sign off, let me tell you about 2 books I’m excited about:

The Eleventh Plague by Jeff Hirsch: The link you get with the book’s title will take you to a special 4-chapter sneak peak at the book. And when you’re done with chapter 4, you’re going to want more. Seriously, took me less than 30 minutes to read the whole thing and I’m a slow reader. I love the cover, to begin with. And even better, I loved what I was introduced to.

And of course….

Variant by Robison Wells: Yes, everyone whose known me over the past few years has watched my fanboy status change from one a-maze-ing author to this guy. Besides being awesome (which is how he introduced me to Sara Crowe at Storymakers back in May), he’s an awesome author. Okay, I haven’t read this book. But I’ve read the first page or two and that was enough to make me want to steal the book and miss the movie. (Glad I didn’t though.)

Currently: I’m attempting to read Catching Fire at home and I Don’t Want to Kill You by Dan Wells while I work out. I’m failing on all accounts, but I’ll get there eventually. I still have Possession by awesomesauce Elana Johnson to read.

What have you been up to?

I guess this blog is long enough….so until next time….

ALIEN ABDUCTIONS ARE INVOLUNTARY, BUT PROBINGS ARE SCHEDULED.

Tristi Pinkston's New Book

Today, I have a blurb that’ll send you to a whole new world. Well, to see my author friend Tristi.

Author Tristi Pinkston is excited to announce the release of the third novel in her Secret Sisters Mysteries series.

Titled Hang ‘em High, this novel takes place on a dude ranch in Montana.When Ida Mae’s son invites her to come for a visit, of course she brings Arlette and Tansy along with her.They are expecting to spend the week looking at horses, avoiding the cows, and making amends in Ida Mae’s relationship with her son.What they don’t expect is to be stuck on the ranch in the middle of a blizzard and to be thrust headlong into the middle of a mystery.

***

Help Tristi celebrate her new novel in two ways.First, come participate in the two-week-long blog contest, where you can win a book nearly every single day!All the details are up on Tristi’s blog.

Second, come to the book launch!

You are invited to an

August Authorama!

Saturday, August 13th

Pioneer Book, 858 S. State, Orem

12 – 4 pm

Games, prizes, balloons, face painting,

and Dutch oven cobbler

prepared by world champion cook

Keith Fisher.

Authors Tristi Pinkston, J. Lloyd Morgan, Cindy Hogan,

Nichole Giles, and Heather Justesen

will all be there to sign books.

This is one book launch event

you will not want to miss!

Update: I Am Alive

Yes, I’m not dead. No I haven’t dropped off the planet. I just don’t have time to blog much lately.

First, I am studying for my CMA exam (Certified Management Accountant, for the majority of the world, which doesn’t have any clue what that is). So, in studying, there is an extreme lack of writing/editing time.

Second, I’m doing what I can to remain active on Twitter. If you miss my awesomeness, please go visit me on Twitter and breath again since I’m there far too often.

Third, my beautiful and awesome wife gave me a great t-shirt yesterday, which reads, “TO START LET’S JUST ASSUME I’M NEVER WRONG.” This goes well with my “DO NOT START WITH ME, YOU WILL NOT WIN” t-shirt. Of course, my Big Dogs shirt of “HOW’S MY ATTITUDE? DIAL 1-800-BITEME” is always a winner. I still miss my shirt that said “I’M NOT SAYING YOU’RE DUMB, IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.” If I was really popular and published and semi-untouchable, I’d wear these shirts to writers conferences. I’d even convince my wife that I need an “I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER” t-shirt.

Fourth, I’ve been spending free time playing Magic with my best friend Andrew. It’s nice to have an addiction that someone close by can help me feed. And you know what that does for me? Gives me story ideas. One day, I’ll have a really good one from these random cards.

Fifth, I had a weird dream last night where Casey‘s husband and I were getting ready for a double-date with our wives. And then I woke up creating a story about time-travelers unraveling in my head. I think I may have to start jotting down notes.

Sixth, I have been in a lot of pain lately in my right arm. I may have carpal tunnel. Getting a test for that today. Wish me luck. (UPDATE: Not carpal tunnel. Something called ulnar tunnel is high possibility.)

Seventh, I am not really certain what my writing future holds.

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

Ninjas vs Clowns, part I

(Artwork by Graham Bradley)

In the city of Ferrerton, there ruled an evil empire run by Boogey Lowerbrow, leader of the Clowns. With their master thievery and ability to torture their victims, Boogey maintained control of Ferrerton. One of his minions was elected mayor. Three of the five city council members worked for him. Ferrerton’s five biggest businesses were owned by Boogey.

The clowns and their big, creepy smiles were everywhere. With the ability to fit 10 of them in a VW Bug, it was difficult to catch them. Even members of Ferrerton’s PD were corrupt.

And that brings us to today, a usual city council meeting, where Jen Amazing and T.J. Powers prepare themselves to lose another vote. This was an important vote as it would make sure that the Clowns’ bozo businesses would have to pay more taxes that Jen and T.J. have commissioned would go to the failing elementary schools. (Yes, they’re that heroic.)

The meeting begins like any other. Mayor Fanklestein (Lowebrow’s right-hand man) bangs his rubbery gavel, making it squeak against the desk.

Ugh, he’s so annoying, Jen thinks. If he would stop pretending he’s not linked to the creepy Clowns, he’d at least be semi-tolerable. Look at him with that ridiculous “child-at-his-own-birthday-party” attitude. It’s like this is all a game to him.

“Let’s get this meeting under way. The budget, of course, is the most important part of today’s meeting.”

The mayor’s squeaky voice annoyed T.J. I wonder if the mayor ever actually hit puberty. He smiled at his own joke. With a pen in hand, he doodled lines. It was the only way to relieve the boredom. Just ten more weeks until the election. I can get voted out and leave Ferrerton.

The mayor looked around at the red-nosed filled room. “Do any of those in attendance have an objection to the proposed changes in Ferrerton’s annual budget?”

The room was silent.

Mayor Fanklestein looked to the back of the room, Lowerbrow sat there and nodded approval.

Ugh, Jen thought. Seriously, Lowerbrow’s fake tear on his cheek is about as useful as this meeting.

The Mayor looked around at the five city councilmembers. “Do any of you have anything to say against this budget?”

“Yes,” Jen said. The room got loud with honking of noses and squeaking of toy horns. “I have…I HAVE….I HAVE AN ISSUE HERE!!!!”

No one seemed to be listening.

T.J. leaned into his microphone, “Could you quiet down, please?”

Again, no one was listening.

I give up. Jen leaned back in her chair. The room got quiet as soon as Jen stopped talking. “I think that-”

The noise in the room prevented her from speaking any more.

A sword flew from the back of the room, landing behind the mayor, silencing the room.

In the back doorway stood three people, dressed in black, their faces covered.

Mayor Fanklestein unnecessarily banged his squeaky gavel. “Who are you?”

“For all intents and purposes, I am Oop, leader of the Ninjas.” Oop gestured to the people standing behind him. “These are my assistants: Elana Awesomesauce and Graham Chop.”

“What do you want?” The fear on the mayor’s voice made Jen and T.J. both smile.

“For you to make Councilwoman Amazing’s corrections to the budget.”

The whole congregation stood, save Lowerbrow. Flowers started squirting water toward the ninjas. Oop drew a sword from his behind his back, using it as a shield against the annoying water. Elana and Graham each pulled out a pair of sais and stood at the ready. Fake fish flew at the ninjas, Oop’s cohorts slashed the fish.

Elana and Graham leapt into the crowd as the clowns pulled out their large mallets, no longer playing nice.

All three ninjas made their way toward the front of the room, a few of the clowns not surviving the attack.

Mayor Fanklestein banged his gavel. “Meeting adjourned.”

His three favored councilmembers fled quickly. But before the mayor could leave the room, Oop stood before him. “It would be good for your health if you were to start this meeting again and announce your resignation.”

Fanklestein looked back into the crowd, Lowerbrow standing with his arms folded. As he unfolded his arms, T.J. shouted a warning to Oop as a pair of pistols were aimed at the ninjas’ leader.

A sai flew across the room as more clowns dispersed like cockroaches around a freshly lit lamp. It hit Lowerbrow’s hand, knocking one of the clown’s guns to the ground.

“This isn’t over,” Lowerbrow said. He pulled a pom from his shirt and threw it against the ground. Fanklestein did the same. Smoke expanded around them. As it cleared, they were gone.

“What are you doing here?” Jen said. “Don’t worry, I think retaliation against the clowns is necessary, but do you have to go to such violent extremes?”

Oop nodded. “No.” He looked around the room, a few dead clowns littered the ground. All the rest had fled like the cowards everyone knew them to be. “But at least they know not to mess with us as we move our plan forward.”

“And what is your plan?” T.J. asked.

“To rid Ferrerton from the clowns.”

Thank you for reading Ninjas vs Clowns, part I. Look for part II next week. And until then,

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.