Top 10 Books I Never Want to Read

So, this will be a fun list. Absolutely fun. Let’s just delve into it since you’re ready for it.

10. “My Heart Just Goes” by Celine Dion. This timeless romance will become an instant classic with the story of a woman who’s boyfriend dies at sea and she decides, “Eh, he wasn’t worth it anyway.”

9. “Our Favorite Alcoholic Beverages” compiled by Stephenie Meyer. This all-active-good standing-Mormon author compilation gives the reasons by famous Mormons like certain beers, wines, liquors and other mixed drinks. Taste is not one of those reason 😉

8. “Acting Without Influence” by Nicolas Cage. Learning how to make it big without having any lessons in Hollywood taught by none other than the nephew of directing great Francis Ford Coppola.

7. “Shut Up Now Tell Me” by Paula Abdul. A self-help public speaking guide with real examples from American Idol.

6. “Stain Removal” by Monica Lewinsky. Monica teaches people how to get unwanted substances out of lovely evening gowns. She starts with blue dresses and goes from there.

5. “Being an Adult” by Cher, Cyndi Lauper, and Lady Gaga. If adult life is tough, these three will help you see how to blend in as a member of American society.

4.  “Life Isn’t All Luxury” by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.  Did you know that life isn’t all about designer jewelry and entitled friends? These two help you understand what it means to shop at Wal-Mart, Target, and K-Mart as well as doing your own grocery shopping and cooking.

3. “How to Live a Life in Sports Without Media Attention” by LeBron James. LeBron has had meaningful interviews with many celebrities from the NBA, MLB, and NFL and how they do everything to ignore the media. He also brings his real life examples of this tricky endeavor.

2. “Responsibility” by Lindsay Lohan. You see, it’s about this 16-year old girl, who, you know, gets all famous, and tries to figure out how to behave like a normal person. And you know what, there’s a hot guy in there for her to hook up with. So totally awesome.

1. “I’ve Lived a Full, Long Life” by Justin Bieber. The 16-year old’s autobiography will be wonderful for all those teenagers out there thinking that they have life under control and know everything they’re talking about.

There you have it. Be sure to find them at your local bookstore soon.

(If you have taken anything I’ve just said seriously, besides the first 3 sentences of this post and anything in parenthesis, then…um….anyway….don’t go asking your local bookstore or google about these books. If you’ve smiled at this post, then you’re awesome. Leave comments to show me you stopped by. Add to my list of things you don’t want to read.)

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

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4 Responses

  1. Excellent post. I shall put them all on my own personal non-existent list of things I ought not to read and probably wouldn’t anyway.

  2. Fun post! though I wanted to see which REAL books you intend never to read. The top ten worst or whatever. that would be funny!

  3. Hilarious. 🙂

  4. Wait-he’s 16? I thought he was 12.

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