Top 10 Artists in the "Hell No, Pandora" List

Yeah, I have a swear word up there. I’m sorry. I really don’t swear very much. Little kid me was such a goody-goody from age 9 until age 21 that it’s not even funny. “Hell” wasn’t in my vocabulary unless I was telling you where Satan lived. If I swore during those years it was an accident every time. All my high school friends can attest to that. Either way, I’ve…um….grown up?…somehow, moving to Utah has caused me to swear more often. I’m sorry native Utahans, there is a connection here. Anyway….

I tweeted once that an artist popped up on my Pandora radio and that he belonged in my “Hell No, Pandora” list. My sister-in-law said it sounded like a top 10 list. So of course, I couldn’t pass up the thought of mocking people I don’t like. So sure.

Now that I’m done groveling, apologizing and overly explaining, I am going list singers/groups/bands that I really will just say “no” to if Pandora begins playing them so quickly that my speed would cause chocolate to melt. mmmmm….melting chocolate….mmmm….bacon….wait…anyway….

10. Taylor Swift: I really liked Teardrops on My Guitar. I thought it was a decent song. Everyone should whine a bit. But please, STOP IT TAYLOR. You’re a cute girl. But sing something you can shake your hips to or get off the stage. (In Kanye West voice) I’m sorry Taylor, I’m gonna let ya finish, but I think Stephenie Meyer did a better job at pulling at 14-year old DUFF’s heartstrings.

9. Rage Against the Machine: Say what? No, seriously. I haven’t a clue what they’re saying. I feel like Satan himself is going to come out of the machine before me and eat me alive. I feel like there’s such a thing as Obese Metal because of these people.

8. Mandy Moore: I don’t know what to say. Not a fan. (Kelly Clarkson has brought me to her unfortunately. But Kelly’s hotter. So is Carrie Underwood. Your thoughts on either of these two fine ladies are irrelevant to my listening preferences.)

7. Jessica Simpson: Good news here, I don’t think I’d recognize one of her songs if my station played them. Bad news is, I have Kelly Clarkson (who is hot singing Miss Independent, I’ll have you know)

6. Hanson: My brother and I were watching the MmmBop music video (I just sang “Music still on MTV” in my head from 1985) when it first came out. First thought I had was: “Who are the ugly chicks?” I think their CDs should be used as ninja stars. No wait, that’s an insult to ninjas everywhere. (Side note: did you know that an old version of Word did not recognize the word ‘ninja?’ What was up with that?)

5. Jonas Brothers: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little typing the name. Moving on.

4. Miley Cyrus: So, I really like the song “The Climb.” It teaches good principles. But….really, if you like Miley Cyrus then all her little Disney fiends (yes, that’s not misspelled) join her. And then it’s like an invasion of spew. I’m good.

3. Eminem: I see the name. I cringe. I read the name. I run to my nearest grocery store and buy a yellow bag with candy-shelled, chocolate covered peanuts.

2. Katy Perry: I think she needs to title a song “Horny Guys Think This Topic is Hot, So I’m Going to Sing It For Attention.” ‘Nuff said. Every station I create thinks that she needs to pop up on it. And I quickly ‘NO’ her away.

1. Justin Bieber: I heard Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter for those who don’t know) once say that he hear the Evil Beaver sing and thought it was a girl. That was a ROFLMAO moment. Less than a week later, I asked my Pandora, “Who is that annoying chick singing about other chicks? Since when did my music swing that way?” When I clicked on over, I almost hurled my stapler at the monitor when I saw that it was the Evil Beaver. I laughed when I realized I asked the same question as Daniel Radcliffe. At least he has good taste in music.

As always…

Alien abductions are involuntary, but probings are scheduled.

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2 Responses

  1. I should leave a notable comment here, but I’ll just IM you instead. 😉

  2. Um yeah, Katy Perry…get over yourself. We have.

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